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Its the thing that keeps me coming back, but its also the thing that keeps me away. When I listen to worship songs, or when I watch people worship, it breaks my heart. There's an ache and a longing to go back to that time. Yet, I remember that time being so heartbreaking as I was searching for the more, for the real and tangible, for an encounter that never seemed to come. I remember that time being so exhausting.
So I walked away.
If you ask me about the walking away, there's always a physical moment I remember. A moment where I stand and I know I am literally standing at crossroads where I'm faced with the question, "are you ready to walk down that path and face the consequences accordingly?" and where my mind asks me "what if there's no return?" and I physically respond "yes, let's go, turning back or no."
I'm always thinking about those moments. Its happened twice.
I've searched for real and tangible. Four years I…

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